It’s an update on all sides of my life. I do this post every two month like that I can see where I’m in my life and come back on the previous times and see my progress. The end of Fall is around here. I worked hard on my feelings about this season. I did not understand why everyone tell Fall like their favorite season, I felt alone of hate this season. I can now maybe understand why peoples love Fall but I do not understand always why it’s their favorite. Right! I can now a little love Fall but it’s not obvious.
Food. In October, I had two big goals! Eat vegetables in my meals (that I did not eat since a long time) and try to eat yogurts. I eat peas, broccoli, spinach and few others. Right! I did not eat vegetables in my every meal but it’s the first time that I ate so much vegetables and different kind in one month. I love these vegetables! But! It’s not again a reflex for me to eat each day after to have been about two years without eat really vegetables. Side yogurts. I found yogurts in tubs and I love them. I eat two tubs by day. It’s so good. Because I dealt since a lot with yogurts. Particularly the texture.
Borderline. I don’t know! My biggest symptom to deal with is anger. When I watch a movie, where some peoples want hurts others some for fun, I feel bad and angry! Ggrrr!!! I continue my treatment with Lamictal and the situation about my borderline personality disorder is stable.
Depression. Well! Two months ago, I started to take Sertraline to try to manage better my obsessional thoughts and since I’m more depressed. The Sertraline clearly depressed me. I wanted to do less of things, activities in every day. It’s hard because I love to do activities when I’m not too much tired. So, I started slowly to stop Sertraline.
Social Anxiety. In October, I had my second solo trip on the French Riviera and it was just awesome! During the two nights and three days, I did not have any social anxiety. I talked to few peoples… for my hotel reservation, buy bus tickets, at Starbucks… And I felt just so good during this trip! I’m even staying late in night outside! But! Seriously at home, it’s not always easy! I deal more! I did a few progress like ride my bike around my neighborhood. Since many years before I couldn’t in cause of my social anxiety. But! Monday, I wanted to go at the Apple Store because I have a problem with the battery of my iPhone but I did not manage. I don’t know what is the problem but since that I so much progressed on my solo trip. I have regressed in my town environment. Or! It’s because of the new house and moving project in few months.
Therapist Attachment. Monday, I had my first psychiatrist visit after three weeks. My psy was on vacation but the last visit before her vacation. It was not a good visit. I felt not good! I was even happy do not have one in the three next weeks. I have no attachment really to my psychiatrist these times because I feel angry about her. So! It’s not a good time. I hope fastly that I could feel better for could talk to her.
Sleeping. These past weeks, I had a lot of details in my nightmares. The morning after a night full of nightmares with full of details. I feel tired. I think that it’s because of the Sertraline if I did nightmares with details. What the fuck?
Going Out. Because of my depression lows, I did not want going outside. The only pleasure. It’s when I’m riding my bike in the forest. I loved these times! Roll, walk in the leaves. I loved!
Working. My principal work currently is training me for my driving theory. I did so much progress but I did so much progress on the time that I spent to working. In September, I wanted work on only about 2 hours by weeks. Now, I just want to work every day on.
Physical. Tired, tired, tired. The depression lows in cause of the Sertraline gives me tiredness. But my pain in my arms and legs has woke up. It’s so painful!
Watching. I spent my time to Halloween movies and psych. I love watching beautiful illustrations from books.
Playing. Puzzles and LEGO are my favorites.
What is in my head currently?
Well! My birthday’s project! Holiday season! Solo trips in 2019. On the bad days, I remember a lot my best times and memories of these past twelve months. So good! I have always some obsessional thoughts. Ok! Right! I think, it’s all what I have in my head. She is like even full! Right?!
Take care! Thanks for reading!