Today, I will to do a life update, a update on all sides of my life.
In the beginning of february, I did a life update on some sides of my life and in this update I will to take about the same sides and maybe add again others sides.
It’s time for a summary on all sides of my life. I love to do that because I can see where I’m in my life, what is the next step, what is wrong,…
Anorexia/Food. I choose to write anorexia/food because I do not like anymore talk with the word of “anorexia” because for me I am no longer anorexic, I have few problems with food, like food that disgust me or I have again fear to take weight and I feel not comfortable with that but compared there is two years ago it’s almost nothing because I do not count calories anymore (I think again to calories but it’s not because there is a lot of calories in food that I do not go eat it like before), I do not weigh me hundred of times by day, I do not want lose weight… I do not want take weight but I do not want lose weight equally, I feel less in anorexia compared to few months ago. My favorites foods these times are chili hot dog, mint milkshake, pasta, kream ball from KFC, cheeseburger, nuggets corn dogs, raspberry jam sandwich, cheesecake, lemon bread.
Borderline. My borderline disorder is sometimes hard to manage and sometimes easy. I take every morning Lamictal 25mg like medication. In the mid-march, I tried to stop it because I thinking that the medication did not helped me really, I was really wrong! Same if on some days he do not helps me completely on my anger rage he helps me on a lot of others symptoms in relation with my bpd (like fear of abandonment, extreme emotional swings, empty feeling, feeling always suspicious of others peoples, self harm…). So after tried to stop it, I took it again after six days without and I’m back with my regular treatment, a pill of 25mg Lamictal every mornings.
Depression. It’s a little complicated because I’m actually in a depression relapse, in this particular depression relapse I’m a little tired, I do not want to do a lot of things, I want sometimes to do self harm, I have more difficult for thinking,… ok, I can tell that it’s ok like even because my relapse is not deeper and I do the maximum for take the step on this depression relapse and I know that I can do it but that’s can take a little of time like at each depression relapse. But generally my depression symptoms are the same and I finish with a lot of tricks by take the step on depression.
Social Anxiety. I worked good on my social anxiety and I did a lot of progress. I have always some social anxiety but sometimes I can to be alone out and without to have any anxiety. I did my first solo trip in april and I haven’t any social anxiety during my trip to 1000 miles of home in contrary I felt for the very first time in my life so good socially and with no anxiety same when my flight back home was delayed of 5 hours in cause of storm. I fight my social anxiety also on another side, to buy in a store, ok, I don’t like to buy in stores for many reasons including social anxiety, I feel not comfortable to talk to the shop assistants,… A day in april I had to buy something before my solo trip, I was too late for buy online so I had to go buy it in a store, when I was really anxious on the way of the store, I finally launch me and entry on the store, the shop assistant talked to me, I was not very comfortable but finally I did not had really of anxiety, just uncomfortable because I never did a situation like this.
Autonomy. IT’S MY BIGGEST PROGRESS ON THESE LAST MONTHS. I did a lot of things in solo and increased a lot my autonomy since february. I go alone at my psychiatrist visits with 2 hours of trains, I skied in solo, I walk in the streets in solo, I stay in a mall or at a coffee like Starbucks I can stay during few hours in the row… And my biggest thing, I did my first solo trip. It was a amazing trip, not easy on all things, with some uncomfortable situations but it was just good. I increased a lot my autonomy and it’s good, same if it’s in some uncomfortable situations I’m feel happy of that and better that before where I had less of autonomy. If you want see my review of my first solo trip, it’s here.
Therapist Attachment. There is 2 years ago, I was really much attached to my psychiatrist and immediately during vacations or when I did not had of visits with my psychiatrist I felt bad. I have one psychiatrist visit by week… actually she is on vacation I have a time about three weeks without visits with my psychiatrist. These times, I felt not good with my psychiatrist, I was for few reasons really disappointed of her behavior, I don’t know but since I did a lot of progress in my autonomy she is differently, in bad, I started to try to share with her about my disappointed but at this time I don’t know again if it will positive. In may, between my parents, psychiatrist and I we have to do a little review of my life.
Work. I finished my english formation officially, I continue to learning english on some ways again, again and again… I love that. This past week I put my iPhone and Apple Watch in english complety, omg, it’s crazy before I never did it because I felt not able I had fear to be lost in all complicate terms in the iPhone, I know good my iPhone settings in french so last week I decided to put in english for to go again more far in my english learning, it was a so much good idea I learned a lot of words, complicate terms again, now I do not want to turn it in french again and I want let it in english. It’s awesome! If not I finished my work school so I do not have a lot of work. I work particularly on my blog like my new blog design that I launched yesterday and spent some months to prepared all as I wanted it.
Sleeping. I can sleep good and I can sleep completely bad, in general I try to turn all lights at 11h30pm maximum but sometimes like when I’m in a depression low, I love watching, use my MacBook during the night and I turn off all lights at 2h00am, I know it’s not good but it’s hard sometimes. Sometimes I can easily fall asleep around 0h00am and sometimes same if I turned off all lights at 11h30pm I do not manage to fall asleep before 2h00am or more, I don’t know why I have some nights like that. When I can’t sleep I take Atarax 25mg and I fall asleep more fast… in april I did not need to take Atarax for sleep but in march yes a lot I had to take it. I love take naps in afternoons.
To Buy. All on my lists. Each beginning of month I did a list with prices of what I want buy in the month, I follow and manage my budget more easily, I try to put all details on my list, sometimes I can add some things of last minutes. In these times where I’m in a depression it’s a little more hard to keep my budget because I want buy more but I try in the maximum to follow my list almost all because I don’t like to buy unnecessary things and all what I buy is with a lot of thinking before. Thanks to the lists I can stay in my priority. It’s a little hard these times but I want stay minimalist.
Pet. I have a awesome cat (I did a post dedicated to her in april, found it HERE), these times I do not cuddle a lot with my cat in cause of my allergies, I have pet allergies including cat and dog principally and currently my allergies are high, immediately that I touch my cat my allergie is here ok when I can I cuddles with my cat but seriously these times out of my allergies I do not want really cuddles with my cat. I don’t know why… maybe in cause of my depression but my cat it’s not my passion currently same if I love it so much.
Going Out. I go out a lot these times, I was a lot out for my ski trip in the French Alps or again for my solo trip in Nice. I spent a lot of times out with the sun when is there, I work out on my terrace, I take naps out, I ate out, I spent time with sun out and I love so much these times. I love to be out. I want spent again more times out to do some outside things.
Physical. Physically it’s really hard, after I did my ski trip in the end of march, I skied during four days in the row during the trip it was not really hard, I started just to be tired after 1h30 of ski time but it’s back to home that I started to be really, really tired physically, ten days after I went back of my ski trip I went on my solo trip it was really hard also same if I walked a lot I was exhausted physically a lot, after these trips I had to spent a lot of times lay down or sleep in my days, after ten days I managed to be better physically but it’s really hard again, I’m fastly exhausted when I move and I can’t raise heavy things or same sometimes little like a water bottle.
Watching. I love always watching Tv Shows, my favorites are NCIS, NCIS L.A., Law and Order SVU, Monk, Hawaii 5-0, Psych, Modern Family. On this year, I launched a goal of watching more movies, every end of month I do a review of what I watched like movies during the month, see all my movies review click HERE. Between february and march, I started the challenge to watch all SVU seasons from 13 to 18 and I did it in three weeks, it’s crazy, I spent my days to watch SVU, I was obsessed with this tv show, I watch it again today but not so much but it was fun to do this SVU marathon. I just want now to do another tv show marathon but I don’t know again what tv show. Crazy, crazy!
Playing. I love puzzles, to do bubbles, play with water beads, I love games or it’s necessary to search something and fastly it’s better same if currently I lost a little my speed with my depression. But passing some times to play with some things that I love that’s help me to feel better in my mental health and to go out of my depression.
What is in my head currently? I have a lot of things in my head include planning my next solo trips, family trips, summer thing to buy, to have fun this summer, eat a little differently, eat more fruits this month, I am in the process of create a “help box”, working and write on my blog, my every day life in May… in my days currently I have a of Hawaii 5-0 and Monk tv shows.
I cannot stop to watching the video of The Arrival of the President of France and Mrs. Macron to the White House.
I’m heartbreaking about Pauley Perrette leaves from NCIS, I know in USA tonight it’s final episode, I’m so sad in more from France I can’t watch this episode as soon as I found it in France I will watch it.
That’s wrap this Life Update.
Ok, tomorrow and thursday I will not blogging, I go on a little getaway with my parents, I will be back here on the blog on friday.