This is a hardest part of… Anorexia

IMG 6183 - This is a hardest part of... Anorexia

This is a story about a thing of my sunday.

In january, I started for the first time in my life to do ski, the first time I loved and I knew that I wanted again to do.

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Sunday, I went skiing, this was my fourth time, I loved this time but I was confronting for the first in my journey of my anorexia and eating disorder to a thing that made me sad.

 

I’m new in the world of skiing so I rent (I plan to buy maybe for next season) at this time I rent. If you do not know the world of rent ski, for fix the ski shoes on ski, the person who takes care of ski he asks you your weight and size for adjust the ski. On my four ski rents, I had three differents size and type of ski, I had always some ski between 142cm and 149cm but on sunday, the man to choose for some ski of 151cm with the three first times I never felt a problem about the size or the weight of my ski I can walk and lift without slide with no problems but with these of sunday when I took off the rent shop and I took them in my hand I founded particularly heavy compared to usual. I put my shoes in and I start to skiing and after some minutes I started to have a disability for turns, my body did not have enough of strength for move correctly in turns my ski, after one slops I took the ski lift for ride up and during the climb I was hard to hold perch and to keep my ski parallel, I did not have enough of physical strength for that, I able of managed like even and I continued to skiing because I was here for that and I wanted but after same not even a hour during the rip up with the ski lift, I had the impression that the ski lift did not managed to get back to the top of the slope I had the impression that my ski was twice more heavy that my body, I did not managed good to lift and walk with my ski, I looked the kids same the kids managed better for lift and walk with their ski.

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I immediately understood that I was in cause of my underweight and when I understood that I was psychological hard because I can’t to do what I wanted on the slopes in cause my psychical weakness in cause of my underweight and my ski who was too heavy for me however some others woman had also the same ski. I was hard. I wanted to cry.

 

I continued like even during one and half hour of skiing because I wanted so much I took the maximum in my psychical weakness after I was too tired, fortunately it was the hour of left the mountain because the ski station go to be close.

 

I feel a little sad about this event because I could not do exactly what I wanted in cause of my underweight and my anorexia problems… It never happened that my anorexia problems reduce me physical in a thing and that makes me sad. After that, I have in my head of took maybe at least 5kg by the next season of skiing (wheter before december) for have more psychical good conditions for manage my ski. Pending! I’m trying of recover of this thing who gives me sad and on my next ski rent I will ask some ski of not more that 149cm.

 

Ski and mental health.

Sunday’s Ski.

 

See you tomorrow for a Wednesdays Talk with Pictures of my work space.

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Take care of you and give you some good.

 
 

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2 Comments

  • Reply Birdy March 8, 2018 at 6:31 am

    take care of yourself, dear. you deserve a life that takes up space. πŸ’™πŸ’™

    • Reply Mix Borderline and Anorexic March 8, 2018 at 9:40 am

      Thank you for these kind words! Take care of yourself too.

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