Nervous Breakdown & Second Passing Away

How am I supposed to live that? One and a half month ago, my grandma is passed away by a homicide. Since this time, I’m in a nervous breakdown in more of my C-PTSD, I haven’t managed to feel better. Today, my second grandma is passed away also. I have never known my grandpas and my two grandmas are passed away to a month apart. I have no more grandparents. I’m in a nervous breakdown since my first grandma is passed away, how am I supposed to live the passing away of my second grandma?! I’m lost! It was already hard and how managed all that… Last night, I cried during one hour because I was exhausted with all my anxiety and flashbacks every day so powerful since my first grandma is passed away. It’s hard!

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My grandma was 88 years old and in a retirement home. A few days ago, she is falling down and break the humerus, she had equally a pacemaker and she should have an appointment to see if they could to operate it but because of his pacemaker it was not probably. These last months, I saw my grandma depressed in her retirement home. She was not good psychologically! Contrarily to my other grandma who have suffered because of her hemorrhage cerebral, this grandma is passed away during his sleep.

I have never lived so much things with my grandmas, I have never slept at their house when I was a child. A few days ago, I was thinking that I could not invite one grandma for my birthday or christmas this year, that I want or not. And I had not the time to living this that I could to have no grandma at my birthday or christmas this year. It’s particularly hard because since my childhood it’s the two principal peoples of my family who was to my birthday, particularly of the fact that it’s five days apart of christmas.

How managed this nervous breakdown in more of my C-PTSD. And of course like the first time it’s during my psychiatrist is on vacation that it’s happening! How live that? Have you already lived a thing like this? How did you manage this?

Love you, grandma.

 

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2 Comments

  • Reply ashleyleia August 26, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Oh no, I’m so sorry! So much loss in so little time must be absolutely horrible to deal with. Even though it will be really hard, I think the same skills you’ve developed that have helped you on things like your solo trips will help you to get through this without falling apart. ❤️

    • Reply Peanut Recovery August 26, 2019 at 9:02 pm

      Thank you so much for these sweet words Ashley! It gives me hope.

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