2018 in Review

It’s time to reviewing 2018! I have instantly two things in my mind! My hard daily anxiety, and the good, all my new adventures. Indeed, I lived all long year with my daily anxiety and obsessional thoughts. No day, I had no anxiety! Some days, the anxiety was high and some days low. But no one day, I had zero anxiety! It’s a little hard! Next to these anxieties and maybe thanks to them, I lived new adventures. I love that! I started skiing, to travel in solo. This is just amazing! Honestly! I don’t think, if I would not have all my anxiety, I will able to do all these new adventures. In 2018, I started to think about my mental health differently, I switched my thoughts. I tried to take force in my anxieties to fight the life. And find the want to do a lot of new things. It’s not easy every day! Oh no! But it’s the best.

A little look on 2018 at a glance. Things that I remember the most each month.

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2018 has kicked off on a different note that habitually because for the first time we went celebrate new year eve until late in the night outside. I think I started differently in my mind the fact be celebrating outside because I did not ever do that before. Like you can see it on my year at a glance, I had a lot of first times in 2018. My goal to try always new things was limitless.

In January, I started skiing for the first time in my life. The biggest deal is that I started skiing alone. Nobody for teaches me. My teacher has been internet videos and all the others skiers on the slopes. Because of far I listened to what they told. The first slope on the 21st January was made of falls down. But after practice regularly on the Sundays during February and on my first ski trip in the French Alps at the end of March that permits me to practice again more. I had to fight a lot my anxiety on the slopes. I closed my first ski season by knowing to do green slopes, keep my ski parallel, to do turns semi-parallel. To be able to learn ski alone in more at the beginning of 2018 gives me a good vibe to continue this year.

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In the beginning of April, I fought my social anxiety and my lack of autonomy and I went on my very first solo trip 3 days/2 nights in Nice. It was something of awesome for many reasons! One, it was my first solo trip! And also it was the first time that I took myself in charge during so many times in the row. I cannot believe that I did that! My mind is so weird about that. I just cannot believe it! I’m proud of me! I learned so many things on my first solo trip. After the first, I wanted to take again solo trips.

In the beginning of October, I took my second solo trip 3 days/2 nights in Nice again. It was exceptional!!! On this second, I had NO social anxiety! NO! I have no words for describing it. It was splendid! I fought my social anxiety and fears about this world like a leader. I did many things on the second that I was not able to do a few months ago on the first. I stayed late in the dark outside. I went at Starbucks and stayed more that one hour. I talked to peoples. This trip gives me the ability to take new adventures in solo in other destinations that in Nice where I feel more safe. Although, I decided not to waiting 2019 because in December, I took a day trip in solo for my birthday at Disneyland Paris.

Paris is less far in miles than Nice from my home. But Nice, I go by plane and Paris I go by TGV. I have more anxiety in a train than in a plane. The outside world gives me more anxiety by train. There is less security about all that traveling in an airport or plane. Right! With my birthday trip, I can now be traveling during hours by train also. Without anxiety! Awesome!

Well! I can’t talk about this year without inserting my new obsession who is born in the mid-February. I’m obsessed with Law and Order: SVU. In three weeks, I watched 5 seasons. I LOVE this tv show! It’s not only a tv show because he helps me literally in my mental health recovery and to find the thing that I had needed to find for fight my mental illness. My favorite thing about the show is Benson who fights to help the victims.

This summer, we went traveling like a family with my parents and sister in Ajaccio, Corsica. I loved this trip! The other side, with my sister we did not have quarrels before the day 6 so usually with the day 1 is already over.

During the summer, I loved my outdoor time in the backyard with the sun and on the hot days in our outdoor hot tub. I equally took a new habit who helps me to fight again more social anxieties. I started to ride my bike in the forest around my house but for this I must go ahead before my neighborhood and that always anxious me because few peoples who bullied me in the middle school lives in my neighborhood. But I did it!

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This year was the year where finally we have chosen with my parents and took the big decision. We started to renovating the house of my grandmother who is in retirement house for go live there. In November, we have done big progress, finish to break walls, paint the bedroom’s walls. In the next weeks, we could to be living inside. You are new on my blog and you don’t know what I talk, I shared the house story here. This decision is a big deal for some of my anxieties, fears and could to be a big change and my first moving in my life.

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Physically, I was so much tired this year. So much! I could not carry heavy things sometimes a water bottle was too heavy. There is a few weeks ago, I did tests and I discovered that I have tendinitis in my wrists. it’s for this reason that I have often my fingers/wrists/hands/arms painful.

In the beginning of the year, I written down these goals for 2018, try always new things, have a best regular sleep, eat what I want, rise to 48kg, enjoy little things, plan solo trips, find 5 places to visit in my future, keep my minimalist lifestyle. I have successfully. And all long year! That is my best accomplishment!!!

I had few troubles for have a regular sleep, which means that sometimes of the year, I had no problem to turn off devices after 11h30pm and sometimes it was not able, in function of my moods, days, seasons. But I had a most regular sleep compared to 2017. I could add on my bucket list five new places to travel in my future: Amsterdam, Iceland, Cinque Terre, French Polynesia, China.

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December was not easy. It’s not simple when there is a terror attack in a city where you go almost every week of the year. I go to see my psychiatrist in Strasbourg. It’s my second favorite city in my country Strasbourg. Since that I developed my autonomy, I do not go at Strasbourg only for my psychiatrist visits but because I love to take some walks around my favorite parts of the city like La Petite France. My last visit was on December 10th, I walked around the Christmas markets. On the night of December 11st, a dreadful thing happen.  The day after! I was just there about 24 hours before! It’s so sad and tough!

Others things about 2018. In October, I started to switch my bad feelings about Fall in better. I bought two Saranoni blankets and I love them so much. They are so sweet and soft! I started my driving theory. My heart was broken with the fires in California.

2018 was hard with my daily anxiety. But! This is the year where I tried literally to think differently. More positive. I have a motivation quotes app on my iPhone. The motivation quotes literally changed my life. It’s so motivating! And that help to keep my mind on the right road to achieve my goals. Well! It was a rewarding year! I’m afraid of next year! But I just want to keep going and again better than this year! On this mind the life worth to be lived! It was such an adventurous year! Adventurous, the word that I use to reviewing this year.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Carol Anne January 5, 2019 at 5:21 am

    happy new year! You had an amazing year! I’m happy for you! <3

    • Reply Peanut Recovery January 5, 2019 at 1:43 pm

      Yes! It was an incredible year!

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